Antiprotips 1


Picture1Protips are commonly presented by various experts and professionals in different fields to those interested in participating or are still in the beginner stages of said fields. They’re helpful tips and general advices given to correct the approach to different tasks so they’re done correctly and in some cases made easier to perform.  Sometimes they’re serious, other times they’re sarcastic.

Antiprotips are a sarcastic reverse form of protips. They reflect observations of how people behave and think in ways that are contrary to how they claim to do so. They also serve as satire to turn one’s attention to motives behind their actions and problematic notions within the paradigm they work within. They’re an attempt to de-dogmatize the dogmatic mind while at the same time trying not to fall into a different line of equally dogmatic thinking.

Antiprotips are my own personal sarcastic reflections for how one can think and work in the opposite direction to becoming a pro and turn themselves instead into an antipro. I usually tweet them, but I thought I should group them together every once in a while for those who don’t follow me on Twitter:

  1. This Islamic ruling doesn’t apply because my reading of the past 200 year history of the Muslim world shows they didn’t apply it #antiprotip
  2. This Islamic ruling doesn’t apply because all these pictures of Muslim scholars show they didn’t apply it #antiprotip
  3. This Hadith is fabricated because I don’t like how it sounds based on my ethnocentric perspective of the world #antiprotip
  4. 1100 years of Muslim scholars were all wrong, except for those 10 I managed to dig up because they fit my biased conclusions #antiprotip
  5. I don’t differentiate b/w relative or absolute rational judgements. Hence, they’re all absolute & my Islam will be based on that #antiprotip
  6. This Hadith doesn’t make sense to me because my limited knowledge of the world is actually unlimited. So I’ll reject it! #antiprotip
  7. I’ve been studying Islam very intensely…through Google searches. So I’m an expert scholar now who can do Hadith criticism! #antiprotip
  8. This scholar says things that fit well with my biased views for or against Islam. Finally, someone who speaks for true Islam! #antiprotip
  9. This Hadith doesn’t fit with what scientists say. It’s decision time: leave Islam or reject science…no 3rd choice allowed! #antiprotip
  10. Mastery of Arabic is not required to understand the Quran or Hadith, and can in fact be skipped altogether. #antiprotip
  11. I only have enough time to study Arabic. But I’ll spend it investigating different Hadith narrations & their chains #antiprotip
  12. I’m faced with a paradox. But I’ll treat it as a contradiction and disregard the whole thing so I don’t have to think about it. #antiprotip
  13. I never studied Islamic creed or logic. So I’ll make everything I find perplexing in Islam a creedal or logical issue. #antiprotip
  14. I’ve only been exposed to Islam based on how it’s applied within my culture. Hence, this is how Islam must be applied everywhere #antiprotip
  15. I never heard of women scholars in Islam. Hence, they don’t exist! #antiprotip
  16. I know Islam is transmitted through people all the way back to the Prophet PBUH. But I’ll ignore that & got at it alone! #antiprotip
  17. I’m too impatient to sit with teachers of Sacred Knowledge. But I’ll pretend my impatience is really being too intelligent. #antiprotip
  18. Islam didn’t come to rectify a culture. It came to completely wipe it out & exchange it for an Arab or Indian subcontinent one! #antiprotip
  19. If I don’t comprehend the wisdom behind a ruling, I will not act upon it until further notice. #antiprotip
  20. I will equivocate between using the intellect to understand the text and using the intellect to rule over the text. #antiprotip
  21. I will pretend the Quran restricts submission to God by having understood the ruling & its wisdom before submitting. #antiprotip
  22. I will create a conception of what understanding is based on my own criteria for it, then restrict my submission accordingly. #antiprotip
  23. I will pretend I’m as intelligent as the most brilliant minds that came before me & my conclusions are equal in weight to theirs #antiprotip
  24. I will claim my skepticism to be a form of humility so I don’t have to act upon & say what I truly believe. #antiprotip
  25. I will pretend that my way of thinking as moulded by my secular education has not affected my view of Islam as a Muslim #antiprotip
  26. I will confuse my arrogance for being a critical thinker in order to justify my inability to submit to a ruling. #antiprotip
  27. I will not trouble myself with going through why scholars differed in opinions so I can pretend my conjectures are valid. #antiprotip
  28. I will pretend that I don’t subconsciously think the West’s cornering of religion is also the answer for Muslims to improve #antiprotip
  29. I will pretend that my thinking that my intellect is absolute & unlimited is not just a form of deifying myself. #antiprotip
  30. I will exercise judgments over Islamic texts without getting any training over how they’re supposed to be approached. #antiprotip
  31. I will pretend that when I read the Quran & Hadith, what I understood didn’t pass through my own intellect & hence is absolute. #antiprotip
  32. I will make Islam all about legal rulings. #antiprotip
  33. I will pretend that the only proper Muslims are those who I agree with and agree with me. The rest are in serious trouble. #antiprotip
  34. I will pretend that when a shaykh talks, he’s transcendent & doesn’t have personal biases or limitations. #antiprotip
  35. In science, the explanations of observations are exactly the same as the observations. #antiprotip
  36. I will debate against people in subjects that I don’t understand. Then I’ll pretend my confusion is due to weakness in Islam. #antiprotip
  37. I grew up in a Muslim household… So I know Islam. #antiprotip
  38. I never went past first year biology. Hence, I’m qualified to debate against PhD holders in evolutionary biology. #antiprotip
  39. I hardly recite the Quran outside of Ramadan. I’ll pretend that has nothing to do with my increasing doubts. #antiprotip
  40. Trust me, I’m an engineer, and what you’re doing is BID’AH. #antiprotip
  41. I will claim that the Earth doesn’t have enough resources while I take other people’s share of it. #antiprotip
  42. I own A translation of the Quran and A translation of Bukhari. Bismillah, so what’s your question again? #antiprotip
  43. I will pretend that Islam is a person who I speak on behalf of on all matters regardless of my lack of training. #antiprotip
  44. Beard, check. Shorter garments, check. Kufi, check. Recitation, so so.. but check. Hadith, in English. Result = Scholar! #antiprotip
  45. I will talk about Andalusia & the Golden Age of Islam for nostalgia, & Signs of the End of Time coming, all to escape my present #antiprotip
  46. The only thing that matters for a Muslim woman is that she wears a hijab or a niqab. Nothing else matters…Nothing! #antiprotip
  47. I will use people that seem to be exceptions to a trend who in reality were products of that trend, to refute there’s a trend #antiprotip
  48. An argument that makes me laugh at the opposing side is a logical argument. #antiprotip
  49. A universal truth can only be accessible by a few people who can do upper level theoretical mathematics. #antiprotip
  50. Modern science is not built on premises from a philosophical platform that was set in place during the 18th and 19th centuries. #antiprotip